.png)
Youth Suicide
What To Do When You Believe Someone Is Contemplating Suicide:
The tragic choice of death over life makes no sense to the vast majority of our society. How could such a choice be such a “great consolation”? During the turbulent teenage years, children go through many physical, emotional and social changes. Their hormones rage and they may fall in love for the first time. Sexual identity and curiosity becomes an issue. Independence from parents seems to be a daily war not to mention all the educational and social challenges. Let”s not forget that the brain is also still developing with ability to now think abstractly.
Suicide in our society is a paradox. Although suicidal thoughts in times of crisis or emotional pain are fairly common, even attractive to those feeling desperate; there is great fear and cultural taboo that prevents open acknowledgment of it’s attraction. How do we handle a child when we are faced with this fear? Should we talk about it? Will talking about suicide push an adolescent further over the edge? Let’s take a look at four steps to follow which can give us great assurance when dealing with those struggling in the depths of their own despair.
Suicide is preventable and treatable. Following are four steps that will help protect anyone from suicide. They need to be put into place for every person you may suspect though in order to fully protect them.
FOUR STEPS THAT WILL PROTECT ANYONE FROM SUICIDE:
1. A Promise to Keep Safe
Have the person you believe to be at risk agree not to act upon thoughts of suicide for a specific period of time. Another words, you can’t stop the person from having thoughts of suicide; but you can ask them to make a promise that they won’t act upon it today. Asking a person not to think about suicide would be virtually impossible and could cause them to shut you out; however, validating the pain they are in and asking them not to act upon it for a certain time period can be seen as a reasonable request despite their frame of mind. Too often, we think that by not talking about, we are keeping the person at bay. What in actuality is happening is they are thinking about it and don’t see another feasible way to handle their problem, the pain or the circumstances they are in.
Getting a commitment for a short time period does two (2) things. It buys you time to put some other help in place and secondly allows you the opportunity to open the discussion and allow them to express their feelings. Don’t be judgmental regardless of what they say. The goal of talking about their despair and hopelessness is not only to get a commitment of a "promise to stay safe" but to show you are a “safe” person to confide in. This shows that you care about them when they most likely are feeling very isolated and alone. When trying to find the right “time period” it is best to ask the person how long they could keep themselves safe. Contracting a promise to keep safe commitment usually goes something like this: “I agree to keep myself safe until after I meet with (________________). I can think about suicide but I must not act upon it”.
2. Provide Continuously – Available Safety Contact(s).
Safety contacts are people whether friends, family, neighbors, teachers, employers, who act as a sort of backup to other resources in case the adolescent at risk for suicide is unable to keep themselves safe or keep any part of the “promise to keep safe” commitment. This “safety contact” is someone who knows the teenager at risk might call or usually, it is an agency that regularly deals with suicide situations like a crisis line or hospital emergency room. You may need more than one safety resource to ensure 7 – days a week, 24-hour coverage.
This person or agency is someone that the hurting adolescent agrees ahead of time to contact if they can not get a hold of anyone else or if something triggers them to want to act on their thoughts. This is the second part of the “Promise to Keep Safe Contract” commitment. It usually goes something like this: “If anything goes wrong and I can’t reach anyone else, I will call (____________________). I will not act on thoughts of suicide. I promise to call (________________). This is a very important part of the commitment.
3. A Promise of NO/SAFE Use of Alcohol/Drugs
Drinking and/or use of recreational or misuse of prescription drugs can make suicide much more likely. If the teenager is on prescription medication, correct doses must be maintained; however, supervision in the present mental state is required. Protection against overdose must be included if there are prescriptions that the at-risk adolescent is required to have. If you can get a contract or agreement that all use of alcohol and/or recreational drugs will be avoided, this would obviously be the ideal situation.
You must be very careful though because in some situations such a request would be impossible and therefore dangerous to even request. In this type of situation, you must be sure to add extra safety contacts and ensure proper doses of medication. Getting a person to agree to this type of commitment would sound something like this: “Yes, I know drugs and/or alcohol can be very dangerous in my situation and I will follow our plan to avoid them.”
4. Link to Other Resources
Every person whether they are an adolescent or not should be connected as soon as possible with other people who are aware of their risk of suicide. The types of “risk alerts” (signs they are suicidal) and how available resources are will determine which links you should provided. When I refer to “links”, I am referring to safe connections whether family, friends, or professional services and agencies. The more links the better it is for the person at risk. The higher the risks for the adolescent you are making a “Keep Safe” Contract with, the more formal resources should be included but don ‘t fail to include informal resources. An at-risk youth is most likely to reach out to informal resources. This part of the “Promise to Keep Safe Contract” will go sort of like this: “Yes, I agree that I/we/you tell (_____________) about me having thoughts of suicide so that they can help if needed.”
Consider the chart below taken from a Suicide Intervention Training Manual:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF RESOURCES. THEY ARE CONSIDERED INFORMAL AND FORMAL:
24 Hour Resources = Friends and family who can stay with the person at risk. Formal resources would be the emergency 911.
Longer Term = Informal Advisers (persons who others persons go to). Long term formal resources would be health workers.
Life Long = Personal connections of all kinds. Formal life long resources are community resources of all kinds.
Working with at risk teenagers or any individuals who are suicidal is a frightening task. It doesn’t’ have to be though. Many parents and people believe that talking openly about suicide puts a person who is at risk in further danger. The opposite is true. The more you can openly talk to your teen or any person about suicide, the better the chances are that they want someone to talk to about what they are going through. Remember, suicide is most often considered when no solution to a problem or circumstance can be seen.
Contrary to properly belief, people considering suicide are not looking for an easy way out. Most are desperately looking for a another way out of their situation. It is rarely a persons preferred choice. The decision for suicide may be made in the midst of many turbulent feelings and is seldom the result of informed decision-making about all the possibilities. Most persons, especially teenagers at risk are unsure and want to talk to someone. REMEMBER…SUICIDE IS 100 % PREVENTABLE. Following the above steps will ensure the safety of the at-risk suicidal teen you are concerned about.
If you happen to be struggling with suicidal feelings
Dr. Regina M. Baldwin provides the above services along with all types of mental health services Nationally via phone or video conference from the comfort of your own home. She is also an effective speaker and welcomes the opportunity to speak at your organization, school, or church on a variety of social issues to equip you and your community.
Don't forget to leave your comments and opinions. They truly do help bless and encourage others. Stay tuned for Part III.
